Tag Archives: Cancer

Hope though false is worth clinging to.


There are two two acronyms that people can not get their minds around. People automatically associate them with death. Yeah! I know many have died of HIV and AIDS related complications. Well, truth is, many have also succumbed to cancer, diabetes, and other conditions.

Other people associate HIV with a gold mine. They hear you mention these words and immediately someone wants to sell you their ‘natural cure’. I mean, if you can take ARVs for that long, you might as well be hooked on whatever other concoction they may hook you up on.

They tell you that ARVs have side effects that damage your internal organs. I am not a medic, but from the little knowledge I have, all drugs are toxic to the body. Even the supplements and herbs that we buy can be toxic to the liver.

The logic is, your life is worth investing in, right? People spend arms and legs together with whatever other extra limbs they have just to buy mortality. Fear of death is real, I dare say. The irony is, they end up buying their own death while trying to buy immortality.

Then there is the group that gets hyper religious when they hear you have the ‘plague’. People offer to pray and fast for your healing. Of course, I don’t want to come across as a faithless person. I know God heals. I am a Christian. I’ll just leave it at that, lest I say the wrong thing.

Speaking of Christians. Yes! Let’s just speak of a group of brethren. With pick up lines like ‘where do you fellowship?’ Before you know it, they want to come to your house. ‘Do you mean the flesh is still at work in you?’ they counter your argument against their ideas.

Once in your house, they just can’t keep their hands to themselves. Until you disclose to them that you are living positively with HIV.  They then go back yo their hyper spirituality, telling you to believe with them in your healing. They even abruptly turn into nutritional counselors. ‘Now you should avoid eating this and that, your diet should have this and that’. I’m like, “Get a hold of yourself, where were you all those years? I could have used your advise then”.

Then there’s the irksome type that preys on desperate, ignorant prey seeking prayer. Religion is in fact the opium of masses- Karl Marx. Promise anyone divine intervention to alleviate their impending suffering and they will give you anything. I mean, people have sold houses, vehicles even taken their hard earned life savings to these ‘men and women of God’ as seed offerings to pay for their healing.

Sadly, they did not end up so well. For some, it started with Tuberculosis, others Meningitis, while others, cancer, then eventually death.

So yeah, call me faithless, call me a skeptic, you can even call me a coward. I will run with this proverb, that he who fights and runs away, may live to fight another day.

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This week in perspective: A roller-coaster of emotions.

Black woman hugging her knees
Black woman hugging her knees Image credit: infochristo.com


This week has been a mixture of emotions to me. First, it started with losing a friend to cancer. Then as if that was not enough, I met a nephew to someone I cared for in hospital, who eventually died of cancer.

The nephew seemed to be ignoring me, so I acted like I did not know him. After all, it was working hours and I was on official business. I picked the document that I had been sent to pick and went ahead to a function to celebrate the International Women’s Day.

All through, I was wondering what hostility existed between us that this person was still ignoring me after all these years. I concluded for the moment to let it be as it is and move on. After all, when his uncle died, they never told me anything. I only discovered three weeks after his burial from a friend of his whom I met in hospital. This was through a phone call I made after being worried about the uncle.

Going home, the thought kept bugging me. I decided to text the nephew and reintroduce myself. You must have forgotten me… I am so and so.

To my surprise, the guy genuinely did not recognize me. His uncle tried to arrange a meeting between us when he was in hospital, but he was busy at work. The uncle even gave me the nephew’s number. That explains why I had the number. For someone who used to see me 15 years ago, before I had the disability, it would be understandable. “I am happy you looked good,” he said. “I hope you are keeping well,” he added.

The next day I met a friend whom I nearly married. I noticed he had a wedding band on his finger. I asked him why I was never invited to his wedding. “It happened too fast,” he said. I was happy he found the right one and was happy with her. Later that evening, he sent me a text apologizing for having disappointed me. “You have not disappointed me. It was just never meant to be,” I replied. “May God bless your marriage,” I added.

This same week I received a call from Elza, mama Earnest. I was so happy to have finally connected to her. I have been looking for her like crazy. It just so happens that she has also been looking for me. We are yet to meet, but I know we have a lot to catch up on.

What I learnt this week is you have to take initiative to reach out. Never make your own conclusions. And what is meant to be, will be.

With love from,


Today I mourn you


Sunday, I received a phone call at 9.30 pm from my friend Oguedhi. It was a surprise call. Sylvia Oguedhi has never called me this late.

“Your friend has slept”, those words stung terribly.

Sylvia’s brother, whom I have never met, was an accidental friend. Sometime two years ago, I was a church administrator. I used to make the weekly church bulletin. I would call the people leading worship that Sunday, to ask for the songs they would like me to include in the bulletin.

About three times when she was leading worship, I happened to call her number and her brother picked. Her brother was also a worship leader at his church, so he was wondering who was asking him for songs.

Our friendship started from there. He would call just to check on his friend. Occasionally, he would goodwill texts.

Last year, Sylvia told me that her brother was diagnosed with cancer of the gum. His gums were swollen. It was really sad. I promised Sylvia to go visit her brother.

Then I had a lot of things going on, school, internship, Workstudy, problems with my landlord. I was overwhelmed. My will and heart were willing to visit, yet my circumstances were restrictive. Maybe I should have tried harder.

Two Sundays ago, I met Sylvia in church. She reminded me that my friend waited for my visit until he went. The thought that rushed through my mind was that he had died.

Before my explanations of why I did not honor my promise, she clarified that he went up-country and was recuperating well. His gums were back to normal. It was then that I said I was just overwhelmed during the time.

A week later, I was in bed, still recovering from a book hangover. I had just finished reading an interesting book. My phone rang and I looked at the caller Id. I usually don’t receive late phone calls. It was Oguedhi-Blessed one.

“I just called to tell you that your friend slept at 8.30 pm,” she said.

I woke up from the book hangover, and went to mourning a friend I had never met. My friend will be laid to rest on Tuesday next week.

Just as sad as this story is, what have you been putting off? Is it that walk in the park, or reaching out to someone. Please do it before it’s too late.

With love from,


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