Eugene’s cry to be understood.

Image borrowed from: http://communityjournal.net
Image borrowed from: http://communityjournal.net

Wednesday
“I have something that’s been bothering me, I’d like to share”,he said.
What’s it?
I’ll just share when you come next time.
‘Ah! Why are you doing this to me? You’ve now aroused my curiosity.
Curiosity is good, at least it will give you reason to come.

Saturday

“There’s something you wanted to talk to me about”
“Nah, I’m good,  I already dealt with it.””Why don’t I buy that? You really wanted to share something with me.”
“No. I’m good. Let’s just leave it that way.”
“OK, if that’s what you want, I’ll respect your decision.”
He unleashes a sheepish smile and the room goes into an awkward silence for one minute.

“That thing you wanted to tell me must be disturbing you.”
“Yes, it has bothered me for a long time. I just don’t know how to start and whom to trust.”
“I’ll let you know, I am a counselor and you can trust me with your secrets”
“Well, you see, I’m gay.” He says it in passing, as quickly as possible, and looks away from me.
“What makes you think you are gay?”
“I’ve felt like this ever since I was five years old. Dressing up as a girl was my thing.”
“You know what? I won’t Judge you, I have always suspected it from your feminine characteristics. I just didn’t want to arrive into conclusions”
“I have been sending you clues ever since we met. I just didn’t want to be very close to my dad’s friends. You just know how he reasons.”
“What made you tell me?”
“You seemed nice, understanding plus we get along quite well.”
“Do you know God loves you? He understands you.”
“Me and God have not been close of late.”
“Tell him some of these things, he is the one who created you and he understands your struggles.”
“Well, I’ll try to pray. One thing I told God is I will never be hypocritical with him.”
“Is it OK if we pray together?”
“Sure, why not.”
(Prayer)

After the prayer, “Wow, I haven’t felt that way in a long time. Thanks for the prayer.”
“May I hug you? ”
“Yes. Oh! I needed that.”
“By the way, I didn’t know you would be this cool about it. Thanks for your understanding.”

This is my dilemma. As a counselor, I am not supposed to be shocked at a confession. Even if I am shocked, I should not show it. I have many LGBT acquaintances and I try not to judge them. I see the human being in them, and we get along well. This is the first close friend who has shared a dilemma with me. Eugene, 18, (Not his real name) needs my help. He usually has bubbly moments, and other moments he wants to be alone, he is gloomy, sometimes he even appears suicidal.

He lives with a single father who is a pastor, and a sister, 23, who preaches to everyone she meets (Born again, holy, going to heaven). The pastor’s worldview is holiness and righteousness. Although I am a born again Christian, sometimes I disagree with their approach to Christianity. I also am aware that this is Eugene’s family and he should learn to live with them.

My fear is, I don’t want to mislead him. I also don’t want to be blamed by the his father to have encouraged him  into the choices he makes. (His father once suspected that we had a love relationship going between us because we were so close.) I couldn’t hide my disgust from him. I just looked at him and said under my breath, “I’m so glad you think so highly of me.” Then told him that Eugene was younger than my youngest brother, and I talk to him just the way a big sister would talk to a kid bro.

“Do you plan to tell your dad about it?”
“Well, I can’t handle their reactions. For now, I just have to act normal according to his standards, because I live under his roof.”

*Disclaimer*

Eugene gave me permission to share his story. I just had not yet figured out how to. Now I have.

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